I’m writing an open letter, in a rather discreet environment, in a forum of readership that knows quite a lot about my persona through words. Some know me strictly as a poet, some more personally, and those of you that do, I am forever grateful. There are things I need to speak to, and I feel like this is the only place I can really expand upon what it is that is going through my mind.
I’m grieving, quite clearly more than I ever have in my life. You see, many years ago, I fell in love, and because of time and society and confusion we did part ways sooner than as we later realized, either of us would have preferred. During that time apart, we thought of each other, and speaking for myself I thought of her always, constantly, wondering, hoping, wishing. Occasionally because of the onset of social media, I was able to find her, drop her a line every now and again. I was able to watch her go through something quite wonderful, and to be a distant observer, I felt grateful. I knew my love for her was as strong as ever now, and yet, I also knew that we could never be together.
I created this blog because I wanted to write erotica. In the early days, I met many people through my writing, had often conversations that were quite enticing and intrigued me to no end; however, with each there was always a disconnect that existed that belonged as it were, just that. I had the occasion to speak directly to some writers but the urgency of love did not ever cross my mind – long distance love, cyber love, whatever you wish to call it. I was though able to write my innermost thoughts with a freedom of expression I had never known in all my life. I know now and have known for quite some time, I wrote for her.
Fast-forward to a couple of years ago, and the woman I speak of returned to my life, and we were now able to acknowledge and explore the beauty of who we seemingly were in one another’s eyes. I realized over time, the muse I had been writing to in all of these poems and passages and pleadings was actually her, and she and I were now able to laugh about that and share comforting compassion, knowing truly that love does exist.
Move quickly now to today. I’m writing this letter because I do know love, and have experienced such, in a manner I will cherish and remember with all my heart, from this day forward. I know the feeling of urgency that comes with being so wrapped up in a person that nothing, absolutely nothing else really matters in my life at all. However, for that to work it has to be a mutual desire, and the two of us together, have different lives with different needs, and I must acknowledge that. I discover today that I will continue to love, and I will continue to write about the beauty of woman, because I do know beauty, and I have held beauty and elegance in my arms. I have wiped tears from the eyes of beauty, and felt the closeness of a surreal sensuality that I will always recall when times of self-loathing try to convince me otherwise.
I do know today, in these parting words, love is as real as anything I have ever known in my life, and when I reflect upon my writing here, and continue to express the next chapters of my life through words, I know her mystique will always be my driving inspiration.
These are my words, and they are for you.
I have this love for a woman. She moves my heart in ways I might never imagine. I knew this might be the case, when a few years ago, we were fortunate to see each other again. It has been since that day, my life has felt renewed.
I think sometimes people might choose to delay their satisfaction with life, based upon societal purpose. I know that she would rather I didn’t bring that reality up, yet, I cannot help myself, for she moves me and I am left with a wonder always.
Being a man there are certain pleasures I count on. I do enjoy the passion of physical touch, the energy, the unbridled release of finding her triggers and enhancing her desire to reach further. She has given me such opportunity to know her in a deeper level than any woman I have encountered or shared time with in my entire life.
There is a definitive nature of realism in our intimate life. We both know the consequence of our desires and passion. Yet, we also understand there is a psychic bond to our desire to find one another’s pulse in the act of lovemaking. To be without that desire or need to find each other, is sometimes rattling to me, as I am sure it is with her. But we have lives that prevent our love from becoming a forever in each other’s eyes. In other words, we are not always in each other’s arms, and we are left with memory and fantasy instead.
Tonight I write in wonder, I give my page the words that are in my mind that I think about on a constant basis. I also want to acknowledge the psychic energy we share with one another. Today I was out in public, writing, sipping coffee, and trying to imagine where she might be. I believe we were close by one another. I also believe tonight as I finish this commentary we are in each other’s mind, for she has been in mine since my every waking moment.
I choose to respond to the psychic nature of love and trust its well-being is meant to preserve what is true in our lives.
It’s when our lives in truth become a show,
We value love, under a moon’s beget
For isn’t truth in how her eyes do glow
A fine recall of what we now regret.
I wrote you notes, turned letters from afar.
Imagined gravel roads your steps would fall
Upon the sliding summer day a star
Could always light our way sweet road recall
To know the stars could still for us align
Bring hope alive inside my scrutiny.
For now today in love I might malign
My precious world could bring me to my knee.
To know her elegance I wish afford.
Such world I’m told where love is man’s reward.
I have watched my life become what it is today,
so many opportunities, chances I might say,
helped me to define who I am
in a natural sort of epic slam.
We are forever drawn by shadows of opportunity
the sort will stand nearby, play with sanity,
while others simply do proceed,
we need fruition to succeed.
I wonder about the people that already know
we see their quiet exterior where we go
wish to be their silent muse
gather evidence enough to amuse.
If I go back I am afraid of what it is I have said,
more than thirty years ago when wasted
I would suggest some liberty
might today soften scrutiny.
I suppose it is my own natural heart believes
the tall tales of unbridled fiction it weaves
remain steadfast and indeed proud
no self-pity will be allowed.
I do give pause to the life I have somehow led
leaves me here inside a wound readily bled
I wish for only peace of mind,
I wonder though if I might rewind.
The turbulent nature of fitting in, finding solace
broken by the battering of a solution driven chase
Vent – a hole or space that allows air, gas, or smoke to escape or fresh air to enter
Perhaps I didn’t need to qualify, but, I suppose I just want to be clear. I have been writing this blog for a little over a year and a few months, and during that time, have unwittingly discovered many things about myself along the way. For one, the actions I take on these pages, really are no different than the ones I practice in my daily life. Granted, I have more freedom here, but the luxury of being able to explore my internal identity has been nothing short of fascinating.
I began this blog because a mutual writer of erotica suggested I do so. Who would know this process has improved my personal life to no end, yet, at the same time, continues to fascinate me with the avenues the writing, the interactions allow me to experience. I am grateful to the handful of people I interact with on a regular basis. All of you, and you know who you are have given me support when I wished to rip my hair out, felt I had revealed too much, and simply needed to be calmed down with a dose of reality. I thank you, each of you for leaving judgment aside and letting our growth help one another along.
To be sure, this site has enhanced my writing, there is no question, the last fifteen months have been spectacular in giving me the confidence to pursue my goals as a writer. For many years I imagined the possibility of writing erotica and I always put the benefits before the words. Today, as I write this passage, I am happy the words have taken the lead, and my efforts really are toward honing my skills as a writer. That said, the benefits remain delicious, yet, not nearly as rampant or constant as some of you might perceive. If that offers a lovely solace to your day though, I am happy.
I have written about a great number of topics here, mostly erotica, but ventured in several directions. I have been received well, and have confidence that people do, who take the time, know my genuine offerings as a writer and reader and human being. I am a blogger certainly, but my goal is to enhance my writing and along the way, turn anyone on that desires to join the ride, shall we say.
In the very near future, my schedule changes dramatically, and somehow I will have to ‘curb the enthusiasm’ (hah) of this genre so provocative and evident to my daily life. As I live and breathe, I am compelled to find the words. I wish everyone well, and thank you for listening. Write, delight, and read on …
P.S. I am inspired to do this as I have noticed many recent similar writings on other pages – must be the time of year! 🙂